On June 9, 2020, 1,465 days ago, God, once again showed His love for me. He ended my sinful life because he had a plan for me, and he needed to free me from the life that I had been living. Over a period of many years Satan made me believe that I had nothing else to give and God needed to unstick me from this destructive way of thinking. I had surrounded myself with people who perpetuated this way of thinking about myself. I allowed myself to be affected by many external influences, and this would end up driving separation between me and God. I was unable to move away from this affliction, so God needed to unstick me. What Satan meant for evil; God would use for good. I realize that I did nothing to earn God’s love and there isn’t anything I can do to lose it.
I wouldn’t have written my story this way, but I am very thankful that I wasn’t in charge of writing my story. I have made many mistakes, but all of these mistakes have made me who I am today. My testimony has been shaped perfectly and by the grace of God I will be able to share my story with others and help them to avoid making the same mistakes that have affected myself and so many other people in my orbit. I will not allow the place I am in to determine the purpose I carry. I now know who I am, and I know whose I am.
To all my colleagues and friends at Element, I am very sorry for the pain that I have caused you. There is no excuse for my behavior, I have not tried to make any excuses and will not make excuses today. I simply allowed my insecurity and pride to drive my decisions and it was that which made me believe that I could serve 2 masters. In the end, I only served one master, and I chose wrong.
To my family and friends who have supported me, I am very sorry for my behavior prior to 2020. I am ashamed of who I became and the choices that I made. Your love and support throughout this entire process has meant the world to me. I chose God to be my Savior when I was 8 years old, but it wasn’t until I hit the bottom in June of 2020 that I chose Him to be my Lord. I am very proud of who I have become because of this process. I know that this may be a difficult concept to understand but I am so excited about the future and what God has planned for me. God has been pruning me and I don’t believe he wants me to simply learn from this and move past it. I believe he wants me to go back in and help other people who struggle with depression, anxiety, the need for acceptance from other people, and the challenges that so many face with their pride. I believe that God will use me to be unashamed of where I have been and to help others understand that only by the grace of God can He turn something so painful into something that glorifies Him. I am honored that God has chosen me and I ask that you will all turn the page with me and see what God has planned. I believe that God will give me so much prosperity, but a different type of prosperity than I was focused on for so many years. This will be prosperity in my spirit and in my relationship with God.
To those family and friends who have chosen not to support me on this journey, you have your reasons and I respect your position. I pray that God will heal your pain and will allow you to forgive me for disappointing you and letting you down. I am not perfect and it’s only by the grace of God that I am here today to say that I am sorry. I made a mistake, but I am NOT a mistake. I pray that none of you ever experience the pain of losing so much. We all live life, we don’t all come back the same. This is my story and I own every page of it.
To Jackson, I am very sorry for disappointing you and for the pain that has been caused by my poor choices. I pray that the lesson learned for you is to be very careful as to who you choose to surround yourself with as these people will always shape who you are and who you will become. I also hope that you will see God’s perfect grace and how His love can change your heart. I allowed external influences and the power of Satan to capitalize on my trauma and insecurities and this led me to a dark place in my life. I hope that you will allow me to show you who I really am and to continue to help shape the amazing young man that you are already becoming. I love you with all my heart and want you to know that being your father has been and always will be my greatest joy.